Sunshine & Snow

For the first time this winter it snowed last night.  It was beautiful.  Peaceful.  Cold. 

The snow lay on the grass but not on the pavement and when the street lights hit it from a distance the snow was simultaneously creepy and peaceful.  Since death has been on my mind a lot in the past couple of days, the beautiful snow reminded me of it – death, but I kept this to myself.

That odd grieving depression has been trying to take over.  I have made myself laugh and flirt with DH more and more and he has responded quite well.  We are getting along well now, and he is planning Christmas shopping and presents and I am still flat broke and can’t buy a job.  (My resume and skills are perfect until I roll in and then there is not one single job available for me.)  It is beginning to pull me down.

I know this won’t last.  I know deep down inside I am going to get a job; it would just be really beneficial if a job could be located and begun now instead of later.

In order to fight this bleakness that is threatening to wash me off the deck of my ship again, I am trying very hard to concentrate on the writing projects as well as knitting. Mondays are the days I am going to set aside for most of the typing, writing, and knitting because DH is taking personal tai chi classes and doesn’t get home until about 8:30 or 9:00 at night. Those are going to be my days of a lot of good things just for myself, at least until I get a job.